Saturday, September 17, 2011

Fashion Week: The Worst of the Worst

You know, I'm not one of those people who gets judgey about fashion design. Fashion design is really difficult, and I know this from personal experience. LOTS of personal experience. Hours and hours and hours of personal experience. That said, there are certain things that should never be put on a runway in front of an audience of potential buyers. WHAT were they THINKING??? Here are the Worst of the Worst of the Spring 2012 Fashion Week, in order from Least Worst to Worst Worst.
Oscar de la Renta

Honestly, most of this collection was flawless. But there were just a few things that made me slightly tilt my head and go "huh?" First off we have this ugly pink satin thing with giant sleeves and eyelash fringe along the top. This dress - coupled with the model wearing it - looks like something you might find in a thrift store on a Porcelain doll that was intended to represent high fashion from the 1800s, but failed miserably and ended up in a thrift store. Next, we have the outfit that Big Bird wears to work out. And finally, that studded thing with feathers or something hanging all over the hem. What is this? It doesn't even remotely fit with the rest of the collection. Gtfo, studded thing.


Derek Lam

This isn't even design so much as WTF is going on with these model's faces?! Is it just me, or do they look like tiny alien men? Were these pictures photoshopped?! I am so confused. Moving on.

Ralph Lauren

Oh, Ralph. I have a soft spot for Ralph because I'm almost positive I saw him on the street once in LA when I was 12. But this is inexcusable. I know prom season is technically in spring, but can we not send hideous, insanely shiny, cheap looking pink prom dresses down the runway during fashion week? Please? Thanks!

Michael Kors

Aside from doing the same old tired ~African Safari Theme~ that I'm so super over, Michael Kors created three monstrosities that never should have been created, much less sent down the runway. To illustrate my point, allow me to throw out a couple of words, and you tell me if they belong on the runway. "Prison" or "Uniform"? No? Ok, how about "Patchwork" or "Raincoat?" No to those too? Hm. Well how about "Crocheted" and "Afghan?" No?!? NONE of those things belong on the runway? ... Even if you combine the words into descriptive phrases? You're kidding. Oh wait no, this is completely obvious. Get a clue, Michael Kors. Maybe Project Runway is a bad influence on him.

Peter Som

The first two .... all I can say is, Is that a towel wrapped around your model? Did you seriously just send her out in a towel?.... You couldn't take 5 seconds and at least put a dart or two in? That's legit just a rectangle of fabric sewed up one side (or a towel). And as for that last one, it's like they were trying to take EVERYTHING tacky and stick it all into one dress. You succeeded, great job. That dress defines tacky.

Marc Jacobs

I usually love Marc Jacobs, and I have to give the guy props for designing not just 1, but 3 successful high-end brands. But what the heck is this? I can just picture Marc standing in his sewing studio, machines whirring frantically, lookin' all cute, when suddenly someone runs up and says "MR. JACOBS, we have an emergency. We have RUN OUT OF FABRIC." Everything in the room suddenly stops, and everyone turns to look at Marc with horror in their eyes. Marc, however, is unfazed. He lights a cigarette or does something similarly nonchalant and calmly says, "so what? We have plenty of saran wrap and trash bags. Just use those." Everyone bursts into applause with tears in their eyes at the genius that is Marc Jacobs. ..... except what should have happened instead of the applause was some rational person saying something like "that's completely idiotic and will look terrible," but apparently that didn't happen. We do have a fashion show in Indianapolis called "Trashion Refashion" where these designs would fit right in, Marc, if that's what you're into. Maybe he was just exhausted from doing so many different collections, though, because Marc by Marc Jacobs wasn't very good, and he was wearing a skirt or something which was confusing.

And just to balance out the negative with some positive, here are my favorite looks from this week, from a variety of designers:

 
Zac Posen, Anna Sui, Alexander Wang, Vivenne Tam

3 comments:

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Rawrr Roots said...

I kind of like the last one in the Michael Kors line. The rest of it looks like space fashion as it always does.

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Sandra
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